Something Doesn't Feel Right

Widows in Uganda 2011 singing praise to God.

The last couple weeks I could tell the Lord was trying to show me something. I was just "off". You know the times where you can't quite pinpoint what's going on, but something just doesn't feel right? Then I finally realized what the Lord has been trying to remind me. This life is not about me.

I've heard this over and over again, but lately it has become "crystal clear" as Ryan would say. I am very thankful that the Lord is opening my eyes, and that I'm realizing that I struggle at times with wanting recognition and the need for approval. It's embarrassing to admit that, but I am confident that I am not alone in this (1 Corinthians 10:12-14). Since I am not alone I figured why not bring it into the light, and share what I am learning through God's word and community about HUMILITY.

What does the bible say?
Matthew 6 
Do not do things to be seen or honored by men. Desire God's will to be done, not your own. 

Philippians 2 
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Have the same attitude as Christ who came to serve, not to be served. 

1 Thessalonians 2
We are not trying to please men but God, who test our hearts. Do not look for praise from men. The Lord is our hope and joy, and to him be the glory.

James 4
God opposed the proud but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves to God and draw near to Him. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up.

God is very clear about his concern with our motives, our heart, and our desire to glorify ourselves and not Him. The Lord talks over and over again about us being humble. One of my favorite verses is Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

After going to God's word I also talked with community and loved what my dear friend Kylea had to say:
"I know it's hard to not want recognition...affirmation in that 'look, look how much better I was than before. I'm doing great, right?' I think that's natural. We've all grown up in a system that's performance based: grades, trophies, pageants, scholarships. It's hard to not subconsciously crave affirmation and recognition, but I think that's where we have to let go of the 'what we've done part', and switch to what the Lord has done. It's a tough barrier to overcome, but not one that's impossible. I don't think it's an overnight transformation. I think it's just one that you become aware of, and when you find yourself craving recognition/affirmation, you stop, remind yourself of truth and what scripture says about the subject. Then pray for God to remove that. It's all discipline, but something we have to choose to surrender. That's the hard part. Choosing to let go of the desire for the pat on the back, and choosing to believe that the Lord's recognition is enough." 

At the end of the day if we are doing great things, but with the wrong motives, or looking for anyone's name to be lifted up other than the Lord...it doesn't please God. He cares more about our heart, our faithfulness, than anything we "accomplish". After all, He is the one who is actually doing the good, he is just allowing us to be apart of it, and using us. I am beyond thankful that the Lord is not done with me yet. That he continues to sanctify me, grow me, and give me eyes to see. 

Paul can get wordy at times, but this describes exactly how I sometimes feel...

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

-Romans 7:15-25