Looking in the Rear View Mirror.

"You think you're looking for a spouse, and the truth is you are looking for HOPE." -JP

I love that the last two weeks at The Porch haven't been like a magazine five tips to dating or how to find a man/woman, but rather dealing with the real issue...ourselves. We are the the common denominator to all of our relationships and at the end of the day the healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will be.

I remember sitting in JP's office back in 2009 and discussing with him how I didn't agree with the way he was telling us (young adults at The Porch) to date. I probably argued some of the same points you may be thinking, but he said something I couldn't argue with,

"You've done it your way for how long now? And how is that working?"

He then gave me a verse that I've continued to go back to:

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." -Proverbs 26:11

I know that verse sort of sounds gross talking about a dog and vomit, but in the same way it is gross when we continue to do the same thing, continue the same sin pattern or continue to date the same way and expect different results. A first step is to take time to "look backwards in the rear view mirror-and see the destruction". What is your dating pattern? Are you addicted to the highs and lows of being hurt?

What do you keep doing that you wish you didn't?

In order to move forward in a healthy way you have to deal with the past. You have to heal and be set free. Instead of allowing God time to heal us, we continue stuffing our baggage, trying to hide it, and carrying into the next relationship. Then we often times look to that person or frankly anyone who will give us attention to love us the way only Christ can. Your boyfriend/girlfriend can not be your savior and you shouldn't put that pressure on them to be because they will fail you...but CHRIST won't. I don't say fail you meaning that they will intentionally hurt you, but we are all imperfect people in need of a perfect SAVIOR, Jesus Christ. Whether it is past relationships or family issues, the only way to truly heal is to be open to looking at your past, and taking your baggage to the foot of the cross...bring it to Christ and allow him to heal you. For many of us that is scary because when we look in the rear view mirror it is not a pretty sight or it may be extremely painful, but you'll never be free from your past until you allow God to restore those areas of your life. NOTHING is bigger than the cross. There is NOTHING he can't REDEEM.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." -Titus 2:11-14

We often think if only I had that special person in my life to make me feel loved every day things would be great, but it is not another person in your life you need...it is Christ.

God loves you RIGHT NOW, not some future version of you. He loves you no matter what your past looks like, and he will continue loving you every single day. Nothing can separate you from God's love.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

At the end of the same conversation with JP, he took his dry erase board marker and wrote two words:

TRUST GOD

Do you trust Him, or are you trying to control? Are you looking to Him to lead you and guide you, or are you doing what you want and asking Him to come along for the ride?

God is good. There is nothing he can't handle, and nothing he is trying to keep from you. We too often settle for good, and temporary satisfaction, instead of realizing God wants GREAT for us. God wants BEST for us. Trust Him.

Praying for you all, that you would be healed, be set free, and trust in the Lord with all your heart.

www.theporchdallas.com

How YOU Doin?

I've joked before saying, "Do I have the word 'sucker' tattooed on my forehead"? Whether it is in regards to shopping or dating I have been talked into "needing" something I actually don't need. I love that JP started our first message with you have to know what you are looking for before you shop, or you will be lured into all sorts of things you never really wanted/needed to begin with. Knowing what you are looking for in someone you'd date is so very important, otherwise you will fall for anything. Sadly, for a lot of women instead of knowing what we want we in a man we just want attention from any man. We wait for the next guy who will give us any attention, the next guy who will say anything that makes us feel like we are special...even if for just a day. This commonly will lead women into liking how a guy makes us feel, instead of actually liking the guy for who he is. The feeling card starts to trump the reality card and that's when you really know there is a problem.

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12

JP gave us great biblical truths as to what we (both guys and girls) should look for in someone we would date straight from 1 Timothy 4:12: SPEECH, CONDUCT, LOVE, FAITH, and PURITY. (You can check out the last blog post for all of his notes on each of these.)

One of the best things I did for my dating life was to take a break from dating. I know that may sound weird to some of you, and to be honest I didn't love the idea when community around me recommended it. All I knew is that I was tired of dating the same way I always had and getting the same outcome. Something had to change and I was exhausted spinning my wheels with no real progress.

What lesson in your dating life do you feel like you have to keep learning? What pattern can you see that has led you frustrated/hurt? Are you still dating in the same way and expecting a diffrent outcome? Are you dating someone who's reputation is unhealthy relationships, and like in He's Just Not That Into You, hoping to be the exception to the rule?

I think as a society we bounce from relationship to relationship just killing time, and thinking that we'll just know when we meet "the one". A huge problem with that is that we are carrying a ton of baggage into each relationship and never really allowing any healing or growth. Have YOU taken time to deal with your own past issues? Are you the kind of person you are looking for? Both guys and girls I think would all say they want someone that is honest, trustworthy, not sleeping around, not selfish, not angry or always gossiping, and if you're reading this I'm assuming you probably want someone who is committed to loving and serving the Lord. How are YOU doing in those areas?

I love when JP said, "You're not DQ'd forever. You work on you though, and then come back in the game."

You have to know what you want, and you have to know who you are IN CHRIST before you really should start dating. You can't look to someone else for the love and completeness you can only find in Christ. They cannot be your savior, and you cannot be theirs.

Far too often I see that we would rather have others approval and affirmation over the Lord's, and we settle for good rather than holding out for great. When we do this it shows our lack of trust in the Lord, and that should be our sign that we still have things to work on. Thank God that he is patient with us, even when we are extremely impatient with him and his timing. God is faithful, even when we are not. Praise Him for that truth.

“We don’t love God for the way He makes us feel. We love Him for who he is-his character.”-JP

The truth is there are sometimes where we don't feel like loving God because of our circumstances. Feelings change constantly, His character does not. James 1:17 TRUST HIM.

Praying for you all~

And just for fun here is Joey from friends with "How you doin": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc2Z7CL4Cv0

www.theporchdallas.com

You. Complete. Me.

“YOU COMPLETE ME”…oh Jerry Maguire why did you have to say that??

“Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you ... Hallmark doesn't make a ‘congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy’ card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone” –Carrie, Sex and the City

I can’t tell you all how STOKED I am for this new series “Boy meets Girl” on relationships.I remember my first boyfriend in elementary school named Charlie. I can honestly say since elementary school I’ve been trying to understand relationships… and I am still learning.

I’ve been the “co-dependent girl”…the “I went to college in the south to get my BS degree and my MRS. degree”…the “Sex and the City girl thinking I can beat you at this game before you hurt me”…and finally (Praise God) am to the place where I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10).

To be honest with you all, although I’ve found my identity in Christ alone, I am a little afraid to open up to a real relationship because I am more comfortable being single where I won’t get hurt or possibly hurt someone else. It seems easier to date people that I know it won’t work with because I know how it ends, I know what’s going to happen, and I don’t have to trust God with it. I’m excited to learn with you all through this series not just about relationships, but more importantly that it’s all about our relationship with Christ. Knowing and trusting in Him.

Below are just some quotes from JP’s Summer Lovin series back in 09 and from a book I am going through now by Beth Moore called So Long Insecurity:

“Men are not our problem; it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up. Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men. We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable…” -Beth Moore

If you don’t have a right relationship with God, dating…it’s only going to distract you. –JP

God is love. You want to know how to love, you’ve got to go to the Father. -JP

The greatest thing you can do for them is understand how God loves you. And be complete in that, the reality is that person cannot complete you. You’re looking for them to meet a need that can only be met by God. –JP

I can't wait to start the series tonight, and to share again with you all next week! Praying for our time together now~

www.theporchdallas.com