Crosshairs on Godliness

Having my quiet time in Chicago July 2012

Last night at The Porch JP gave an awesome talk on the myth of "Love at First Sight". He focused on this verse:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:20

During his talk he wanted to make it clear that too often we have our eyes on the wrong target. Our crosshairs are on the wrong things (looks, money, status, etc). We need to place our crosshairs when thinking about dating someone on GODLINESS. 

This really struck a cord with me...

Six months ago a guy I had been friends with, and served with for over a year at The Porch, let me know that he wanted to pursue me with the intention of dating me. The day after he told me he left for Ethiopia. Which makes me laugh a little because he told me he liked me, and then immediately left the country for over a week. While he was out of town, I also took a trip to Chicago for a mini vacation. There while having a quiet time I started thinking..."I've dated some nice guys,  and some not so nice guys, but it's never worked out for me. What am I doing wrong?" I realized that I needed to go back to the drawing board and look NOT at "what do I want for myself?" I need to look at "what does GOD want for me?" Part of me really thinking through this is because this guy that wanted to pursue me was my friend, and I genuinely respected him so much. I didn't want to date him just because he asked and I liked having a guys attention. I wanted to be sure I really liked him specifically. I didn't want to put myself out there again to be hurt if I didn't see this being something that would honor the Lord, and if I didn't see the Lord's hand in our relationship. Titus 2 immediately came to mind. I opened up my bible and wrote out characteristics of a godly man from this chapter:

Temperate. Worthy of respect. Self-controlled. Sound in faith, in love, and in endurance. Self-controlled. An example of good. Integrity. Seriousness. Soundness of speech. Respectful of authority. Trustworthy. Says "no" to ungodliness and worldly passions. Self-controlled. Eager to do good.  

Literally as I was writing down these traits of godliness his name came to mind...Ryan. 

Ryan and I in Haiti October 2012

Ryan has continued to display these traits throughout our relationship and so much more. Including those found in Titus 1: 

Blameless. Not-overbearing. Not quick tempered. Not given to drunkenness. Not violent. Not pursuing dishonest gain. He is hospitable. Loves what is good. Self-controlled. Upright. Holy and disciplined. He holds firmly to God's word.  

Putting the crosshairs on godliness has been the best thing I've done when it comes to dating. Removing anything I thought I needed, and fully focusing on what the Lord would want for me has been such a game changer.

As Ryan has pursued godliness it has helped me be more godly as well. I know his leadership is helping me become more and more of a Proverbs 31 woman. Even times when he is a little off or doesn't display some of these traits, he confesses to his community, and me when needed. He seeks forgiveness, and works on becoming more like Christ.  

I love that we were already friends, I knew his reputation, I had seen him serve selflessly for over a year, and seen the way he treated his friends and those around him. He does an amazing job of pushing me towards Christ, instead of just pulling me towards himself. 

I am blessed to be dating the godliest man I know. 

Ladies, any advice I could give you when it comes to dating would come down to this...throw your list out the window. Look to the Lord, and seek his Word to find out what a godly man is. Say "no" to men who do not display these traits, don't waste your time. If a guy is doing/saying things that are not aligned with Christ, don't ignore that and hope that he'll change. Say "yes" to men who do display these traits, even if you had never even considered dating them before. You aren't going to date Jesus, so don't put that pressure on a guy. He isn't going to be perfect, but it's vital that he is following the one that is perfect...Jesus.

ps. How are you doing on these traits listed above? You want a godly man, but does godliness mark your life?  

Tossed in the Waves...

A conversation with my friend Cheryl Boyd got me thinking a couple weeks ago...

-Photo By Austin Walker on our Brazil trip 2010

You see in my life I am often tossed around with the waves. The little and big things in life that just kind of throw you off. My boyfriend has helped me realize too that when something comes my way I don't always initially react the way I would like to. I land in the safe place, in the calm waters, but sometimes have been tossed about before I get there. The only way to not get tossed about in the waves is to be anchored. Think of the waves and how they move about, and then picture the water down towards the bottom of the ocean near the anchor. There is a calmness near the anchor even when the waves are crashing down. When you are not connected to the anchor you are surely to be tossed about wherever the current takes you. I would love to be in the calm place, the place closest to the anchor where when the storms of life come my way, or even something small... I would love to not be moved. I would maintain that sense of peace, of calmness. I think we are all somewhere between up on the crest of the waves being tossed about, and all the way down at the anchor.

Looking at scripture we can find God teaching us about this...

"God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an ANCHOR for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf..." -Hebrews 6:18-20a

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ." - Ephesians 4:14-15

If you actually take time to read more of Hebrews 6 you'll see that verses 13-18 remind us to not be discouraged. God is our refuge and hope, and his promises are reliable. We see this in his promises to Abraham. The two unchangeable things are God's promises and his oath. I love knowing that my God is faithful and does not lie. Then in verses 19-20 we see the we have this hope as an anchor for the soul. The anchor actually used to be a common figure for hope, and hope is the opposite of discouragement. We should not be discouraged by things, but trust in the Lord. This verse also reminds us that we are anchored to something firm, but unseen. Our hope will see us into the very presence of God. Jesus Christ has assured us of this access into the presence of God because he has gone before us.

As we are anchored, as we mature in our faith, we are no longer infants being tossed about in the waves, and blown here and there by every wind. We will be more like Christ, and marked by the fruits of the spirit. There will be a sense of peace with us even in the storms of life. 

Are you blown here and there by every wind?
Are you tossed about by the waves?
Or are you anchored securely and resting in the calmness, peace, and hope in Christ Jesus? 

I Want To Be Like Her...

I want to be like Tawney. It's true. 

 Almost two years ago I was at church and met this sweet lady named Tawney Macfarlan. We met briefly at a church event, and then a couple months later I got invited to go on a trip to Uganda that her and her husband Dean were leading. Through training and our time together in Uganda, I quickly realized that Tawney is someone I would love to learn from and be around. As the Lord would have it, a couple months after we returned from Uganda I was looking for a new place to live, and Tawney and Dean graciously allowed me to come live in their back house. A year later I am still living there, and it has been one of the biggest blessing of my life. 

Tawney is truly a Proverbs 31 woman. Living at someone's home you really get to see inside their life. So many people can put on a face and live a certain way in public, but in private it's different. Tawney truly lives out her faith in all areas of her life whether at the church, with friends, serving others, with strangers, with her family, and in her marriage. 

Tawney is noble. Her husband Dean has full confidence in her. She brings him good, not harm... and when she's off on something she owns up to it. She makes gifts for others, and writes thoughtful notes of encouragement to friends. She spends time in God's word, teaches other women about the Lord through different ministries, and opens up her home to all...there is always someone staying at their house. She works hard. She offers help to those who need it. The fruits of the spirit mark her life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Her husband is an elder at our church and is indeed respected by so many people. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She loves to laugh. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction, always using scripture to teach, admonish, and encourage. Her children and grandchildren absolutely love her, respect her, and adore her...you can often find her sitting on the floor with one of the grandchildren reading a book or playing. Her husband is her biggest fan. She is beautiful on the outside, but she also has the most beautiful spirit of anyone I know. 

I thank the Lord for my dear friend Tawney. I pray that I become more and more like her as she is more and more like Christ.

Happy Birthday Tawney. 

Love you!

Calvary Love

by Amy Carmichael

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting "Who made thee to differ? And what hast thou that thou hast not received?" then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I find myself taking lapses for granted, "Oh, that's what they always do," "Oh, of course she talks like that, he acts like that," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can rebuke without a pang, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about one who has disappointed me; if I say, "Just what I expected" if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvarylove.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am content to heal a hurt slightly, saying "Peace, peace," where there is no peace; if I forget the poignant word "Let love be without dissimulation" and blunt the edge of truth, speaking not right things but smooth things, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I hold on to choices of any kind, just because they are my choice, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into self-pity and self-sympathy; If I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve round myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold, I do not shut the door, and keep that door shut, then I know nothing ofCalvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily, if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel injured when another lays to my charge things that I know not, forgetting that my sinless Savior trod this path to the end, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitter toward those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of others elates me and their blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing ofCalvary love.

If I crave hungrily to be used to show the way of liberty to a soul in bondage, instead of caring only that it be delivered; if I nurse my disappointment when I fail, instead of asking that to another the word of release may be given, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not forget about such a trifle as personal success, so that it never crosses my mind, or if it does, is never given room there; if the cup of flattery tastes sweet to me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous (to myself, for myself), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I refuse to allow one who is dear to me to suffer for the sake of Christ, if I do not see such suffering as the greatest honor that can be offered to any follower of the Crucified, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If my interest in the work of others is cool; if I think in terms of my own special work; if the burdens of others are not my burdens too, and their joys mine, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I wonder why something trying is allowed, and press for prayer that it may be removed; if I cannot be trusted with any disappointment, and cannot go on in peace under any mystery, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me; if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

God is with You Today.

In 2010 I met my friend Sarah while we were volunteering for a church retreat. Soon after I joined a community group that she was in, and honestly I didn't know what to think of Sarah. She was quieter than most of us in the group that have large personalities, and wasn't sharing as much with us about things going on in her life. As we spent time in group though there was something about her that made me really want to be her friend. Almost 3 years later I thank the Lord for my friend Sarah and what I've learned from her.

As we became friends Sarah was always the friend to follow up. If I was upset about something or excited about something, she was always a friend who emailed or called to see how I was doing, and faithfully give me scripture and remind me about God's goodness. I can't think of a conversation I've had with Sarah where she wasn't either teaching me something about the Lord, or reminding me of what His Word says. This past Monday lunch with Sarah was no different. To give you some background though about why we were meeting for lunch here are some clips of emails Sarah has sent me during the last couple years:

1/14/11

"My mom was diagnosed with cancer last week Tuesday...

And mostly, please pray that God will be glorified in all of this, that we will be obedient and trust him completely..."

2/4/11

"...They got EVERYTHING out!!! We all started crying when she hung up. That simple phone call meant the world to us! It means for sure no chemo! The only not so good news we got is that the type of cancer it is has a tendency to come back easily, but it doesn't matter, we already beat the worst part!!"

4/26/11

"...She'll have the full body scan and they will know that day if the cancer is back. For some reason she feels it's back, we keep telling her it's just paranoia, but she's not buying it.  If you all could just be praying for her and my dad, that they wouldn't worry, it's in God's hands, I would really appreciate it..."

7/9/12

"...On Tuesday, my Mom found out that her cancer is back...

If you all could please be praying for my family, for the doctors and a plan, for rest and comfort for my Mom and Dad, and for clarity for my brother and I on what we need to do.  I believe as we build a relationship with Jesus, that he prepares us for times like this, for times when all we have is faith and hope in Him.  I've been spending months preparing to share the gospel with people across the world, but that preparation is what is going to carry me through this trial.  I don't understand why this is happening but I believe that we live in a dark and fallen world and until Jesus comes back, we will deal with cancer and pain and loss.  But the joy in that is he IS coming back! When that day comes, this will all be over and we'll live in forever bliss!  This could be nearing the end of my Mom's life, I don't know that, but we're going to fight this and my hope and faith is resting

on that promise alone..."

12/13/12

"...So as some of you know, my mom went in for her tests last week...Long story short, on Monday, she went in to get the test results and it's not good news.  The cancer didn't grow, however it has metastasized and is now in her liver and lungs.  They are small spots in both, but it's still there.  This is not what we wanted at all.  Everything I know about sarcomas is that you are good until it metastasizes, they just keep cutting them out until then.  But metastasis is, as far as I know, the beginning of the end...I will say that thoughts of moving back to Kansas have been front and center...I'm just not sure what to do.  I'm not sure about anything right now, I'm just so torn and confused and  hurting with all of this.  I do know that God is good all the time, there is nothing that surprises him, even if it surprises us.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  (Shane & Shane has a song about this verse called Grace is Sufficient, kind of fitting)..."

You see Sarah's mom has been battling cancer the last couple of years, but her faith through this storm is incredible. Her faith is being tested and she is continuing to trust in the Lord, and lean even more into him. We had lunch this past Monday because she has made a wise decision to move back to Kansas and be with her family during this time. During our lunch Sarah continued to be the friend I've grown to cherish. She shared with me some of what she is currently learning and I took some notes:

1. We are often emotional thinkers, so when you think you have to have truth and faith so much louder than your emotions. 

2. The only thing you can be sure of is God is walking with you through whatever you are going through. 

3. God is with you today. 

I ask that if you read this you will take some time to pray for Sarah, her mom, and her family. I also hope that we all become a little more like Sarah: a faithful friend, someone who follows up, someone who points others to Christ, someone who lives out her faith in the midst of trials, someone who serves her family and friends well, and someone who never makes it about her, but always about the Lord. 

I'll miss my dear friend, but am so proud of her. I thank God for all she has taught me these last couple of years. God is indeed with us, each and every day. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear... 

-Psalms 46:1

But now, this is what the LORD says- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you...Do not be afraid, for I am with you...

-Isaiah 43:1-5a-

DATES in DALLAS...

Need an idea for a date?

Being a girl I love a good date night, or date lunch, or date brunch...really I love a good date in general. I realize though that for guys this can be tough. Where should we go? What should we do? What's something new? I decided to create a list of date options for you that Ryan and I have enjoyed with places all over Dallas. No matter how long you've been dating or married I think date nights are so important. Hopefully these will give you some ideas of places to go here in Dallas. As we start this new year we are looking for more fun things to do and restaurants to try, so please leave us a comment of some of your ideas! 

I also think I should mention to the LADIES, plan a date night for your man every once in a while. Treat them to a night out where they can just come and enjoy the evening with you. Men do so much for us, and I know at least with Ryan, it's really fun for him when he can just enjoy the night. 

So here's my list...

Medina Oven & Bar

DINNER & CONCERT
Before we started dating one on one Ryan and I went with a group to DINNER at Kenichi and a CONCERT at House of Blues. It was so fun! Here is a list of other restaurants in the area. Match one of these places with a concert and it's sure to be a fun night!

Ray Johnston Band at HOB 

Kenichi (sushi): http://www.kenichidallas.com/ 

*This is pricey, but one of my favorite sushi places in Dallas. 

Neo Pizza: http://www.neopizzeria.com/

*This is a cheaper option and good food.

Medina Oven & Bar (Moroccan/Mediterranean): http://www.medinadallas.com/

*Love this place. It's smaller, but the food is great, and the staff is excellent.

House of Blues: http://www.houseofblues.com/venues/clubvenues/dallas/

ICE CREAM
Ryan took me to get ICE CREAM and to ask me on our first date. Yes, he asked me in person if he could take me on a proper date :) If you are looking for something quick and have time to just chat I recommend:

Wild About Harry’s : http://www.wildaboutharrys.com/

Journey Concert at Gexa

FANCY RESTAURANTS
For our first proper date Ryan gave me an envelope that had three more cards in it. Each of the cards was a date option: night boat ride, Rangers game, or Journey CONCERT at Gexa. Each was paired with a restaurant. I chose dinner and the concert. We went to Sangria for dinner, but I've included other NICER RESTAURANTS that we've been to that I love here in Dallas. You also could pair dinner with a drink and desert after at REUNION TOWER. 

Dinner at Javier's

Sangria Mediterranean Tapa and Bar : http://www.sangriatapasybar.com/

*This is a fun place because it's tapas style so you can pick different items and share.

Rex’s Seafood: http://rexsseafood.com/

*My favorite seafood place in Dallas. The staff and food are excellent. 

Rise: http://risesouffle.com/

*You have to get the marshmallow soup (it's actually tomato, cheese, and pesto) to start & the artichoke. I love the crab or sausage souffle (you could share one if you do the starters), and then the creme brulee or chocolate desert. 

Meddlesome Moth: http://www.mothinthe.net/

*Voted one of the best places for beer which is fun to try something new. I love the shrimp & grits. 

Javiers: http://www.javiers.net/

*One of my favorites. Food is excellent so definitely eat, but after enjoy a cigar and cocktail in the lounge area. 

Gexa Energy Pavillion (concert location): http://gexaenergypavilion.com/

Reunion Tower: http://www.reuniontower.com/

Reunion Tower

ACTIVE DATES
Ryan and I love being active so here are a couple super fun ACTIVE DATES we've done:

We went to a great dinner at Whisky Cake in Plano.Then we went to Adrenalina in Willow Bend Mall. We changed clothes after dinner and did indoor WAKE SURFING and BOOGIE BOARDING. It was so much fun! Girls be sure to wear shorts and a tank over your swim suit, you will probably fall and don't want any wardrobe malfunctions. I also have never laughed so much watching everyone wipeout. In my book this is a must do date. 

Whisky Cake: http://www.whiskey-cake.com/

Adrenalina: :http://www.dfwsurf.com/lessons/flow-ride/flow-ride-lessons.html

Adventure Landing

We went to ADVENTURING LANDING in Plano around 4pm on a Friday afternoon and it was empty. We pretty much had the place to ourselves which was really fun. We bought the package where you could pick 3 activities and go tokens for the arcade games. We did go karts, laser tag (yes just the two of us, I actually loved it), and putt-putt. Best two out of three won, and the loser (happened to be me) paid for dinner. We had DINNER at this awesome small Italian restaurant Ryan grew up going to. I love it. We ended the night at a tiny little place that has live music called Obzeet. 

Adventure Landing: http://www.adventurelanding.com/parks/dallas/ with dinner at…

Covino’s: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Covinos-Pasta-Pizza/189960311077186

Obzeet: http://www.obzeet.com/

Six Flags

We went to Campisis for dinner and then Ryan surprised me and took us to Six Flags! It was such a blast. 

Campisi's: http://www.campisis.us/Inwood-Village.html

Six Flags: http://www.sixflags.com/overtexas/index.aspx

Go to the State Fair and enjoy tasting the food for dinner and riding rides.

State Fair

Go to a game together and enjoy some nachos, hot dog, burger, and a beer. There are so many teams in Dallas (Mavs, Stars, Cowboys, Rangers, Roughriders, and college games). 

Rangers Game

RELAXING DATES
Ryan and I are pretty busy so sometimes just a RELAXING DATE is perfect. Here are some ideas:

Picnic at White Rock

Go by Central Market together and pick out some food and then bring a blanket and have a PICNIC at White Rock lake.  

Klyde Warren Park

 Go to Klyde Warren Park and bring a football to toss around, or a blanket to relax on. You can eat from the food trucks. 

Chihuly Exhibit and Concert at Arboretum

Pack a picnic and go to the Arboretum to see the exhibits or a concert. 

Arboretum: http://www.dallasarboretum.org/

Go  by Eatzi's pick up some dinner that's already made, a bottle of wine (we love Malbec), and grab a movie from redbox. 

Café Express is quick and easy and then enjoy desert at I heart yogurt.

During the holidays do a carriage ride through Highland Park. You can bring your own wine with you too. 

Carriage Ride to look at lights

DINNER & A MOVIE

Do DINNER and check out a different MOVIE THEATRE. Here are some of my favorite movie theaters and a great restaurant near by:

Angelika at Mockingbird Station:http://angelikafilmcenter.com/angelika_index.asp?hID=7915 and for dinner…

Rockfish: http://www.rockfish.com/

Magnolia at West Village: http://www.westvil.com/theatre/ and for dinner…

Malai (Thai): http://www.malaikitchen.com/

Highland Park Theatre: http://www.hpvillagetheatre.com/ and for dinner…

Patrizio’s: http://www.patrizios.net/ 

BRUNCH

On the weekends it can be fun to enjoy a good BRUNCH together. Here are some places we like:

Brunch at Meddlesome Moth

Del Frisco’s Grill: http://delfriscosgrille.com/

Nick & Sam’s Grill: http://www.nick-samsgrill.com/home.htm

Meddlesome Moth: http://www.mothinthe.net/

Breadwinners: http://www.breadwinnerscafe.com/index.php

I hope this helps you have some awesome dates, and again we'd love some ideas for things to try so feel free to leave us a comment with your ideas!

*Thank you Ryan for dating me so well, and making it a priority for us to have a weekly date night. It truly means so much to me.