"The Product of Rape"

Whenever abortion comes up people always say, "What about if a girl gets raped?" This is a great question and I can't pretend to imagine what being in that tragic situation would be like, but my sweet friend Carly was and she wanted to share her story...

"This face is truly the face of pro-life. He is a gift from our Heavenly Father, but he is also the product of a rape. Yes, my rape was a date rape. Some guy didn't hijack me in my car and rape me. I sometimes feel that it was worse. I trusted this person enough to go out on a date with him. Do I wish it wouldn't have happened? Sometimes, but am I glad that I chose the right decision? Yes! 

Max Noah, my son, has been the hardest and easiest decision I have ever made. In one way, I had to face what happened to me and give up the lifestyle I thought I "needed" to be happy. My decision was also very easy. His life was an innocent life. He didn't choose to be conceived in the way he was. I had an amazing pregnancy due to the fact that I forgave his father, from afar, and surrounded myself with beautiful believers who poured Truth into my life. Yes, abortion would have been the "easy" fix to bandage up my broken, Godless life, but instead, I shallowed my pride, exposed my sin and came to Christ. I, not only, saved Max's life but he saved mine. I don't look at Max and think about that horrible night. I look into my sweet boy's eyes and see hope and future. God wanted this miracle on this earth. Yes, every rape and situation is different, but there are other options. Kissing my son to sleep at night, teaching him how to speak, taking him to the park are all things I wouldn't have had the pleasure to do if I would have picked the "easy" way out. 

I want to apologize to Max and to The Lord daily for allowing abortion to cross my mind. Being a single mom is hard. I wish our circumstances were different, but God knows what we need and blesses us daily. This plan wasn't ideal, but God never forsakes us and we are never alone. 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV)"

*Note: Less than 2% of abortions are from rape situations. Carly is one of a few friends I know who have chosen life when finding out they were pregnant after being raped. I am so proud of these beautiful women and that they chose life going through such a heartbreaking time. Their children are beautiful and I've witnessed how, although it's been hard, they truly see their child as a gift. 
I've also met women who chose abortion from rape and have shared with me that they now see how the abortion didn't help fix or heal anything, but only put them into further depression, guilt, and shame. They have told me that the rape was someone doing something terrible to them, but that the abortion was them doing something terrible to their child. I praise God that his grace and love abounds and that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, and like Carly shared, that our God never leaves us nor forsakes us. 
I am praying that women who have been raped and chosen either life or abortion would find healing, love, and hope. Our church has an incredible ministry called Shelter from the Storm if rape is apart of your story, and also has a ministry called Someone Cares if abortion is. I pray that women wouldn't feel like they have to keep these things secret and "deal with it on their own", but be surrounded by other women who have been in the same situation and can help one another. Here are links to these ministries:

Shelter from the Storm
Someone Cares

Thank you Carly for sharing your story. I love that our God can take something so tragic and make something beautiful- YOU and precious Max Noah. 

Stop Yelling Please

I sat with Ryan last night and for the first time tried to put into words my heartache. I still don't think I can put into words everything I am feeling inside.There is so much yelling going on from both sides that we are drowning out the hurting and brokenhearted. We are silencing the scared. As our voices get louder, the ones we should hear from are getting quieter, and I'm not ok with that. I'm talking about the Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life debate and can't sit silent as our state rallies around a woman because she can speak for half a day wearing sneakers. Anyone who knows me, knows I could talk all day long, and I love tennis shoes. I don't think what Wendy Davis did was anything special, I could talk all day long too. I've sat with women for the last three years who have had abortions or are thinking about having one. Their stories break my heart. I have a lot I'd love to share, but for today I'll just share some of the stories of the women who have chosen abortion...

THE CHURCH GIRL

My heart breaks for the girl who's grown up in church and is too afraid to tell her parents she is pregnant. Her parents have never really talked to her about sex, and don't really ask her questions about her relationships with guys. She's overheard them say things about others who have gotten pregnant and she feels embarrassed to come to them with the news that she is pregnant. What will they think? Will she ruin the "perfect church family" appearance they have going on? She doesn't want to let them down and is afraid of how they might respond. She aborts her child.Growing up she misunderstood the Gospel and God's grace. She thinks she's committed an unforgivable sin. She ends up walking away from the church out of shame, guilt, and fear. Her parents have no idea what all their daughter has gone through. She losses apart of herself. 

THE HIGH SCHOOL GIRL

My heart breaks for the girl who gets pregnant in high school and her parents are too prideful to help their daughter. The parents are too afraid of what the neighbors might think. They care more about what people might think, than the grandchild they could have. One of her parents drives her to the clinic to "get rid of the problem" and tells her never to tell anyone. Her parents, maybe even thinking what they are doing is loving, put guilt and shame on their daughter.Their daughter ends up pregnant again and this time she doesn't tell her parents because she knows the advice they will give her. She feels like the only option is abort her child. By the time she is 25 she's had four. She's numbed herself to the world. She losses apart of herself.

THE CAREER DRIVEN GIRL

My heart breaks for the girl in college or out of college with a great career path. She finds out she's pregnant and thinks there are really only two options: have a child and put her career on hold or even lose her job, or get rid of the child and keep on like nothing happened. She doesn't see how it would work to have both. Years later she's become successful and starts to wonder what life would have been like if she would have chosen to have her child. She's been a success at everything else and starts to realize that she could have probably been a success as a mother too. She puts all her efforts into work, even letting go of possible relationships along the way, because she has to make sure she does well enough to validate her decision to abort her child. She wakes up 40 years old, yes financially successful, but alone. She losses apart of herself. 

THE GIRL WITH A PASSIVE BOYFRIEND

My heart breaks for the girl who's boyfriend is passive and doesn't protect his girlfriend and child when she find's out she's pregnant. She doesn't know what to do and prays that he'll step up and help her. He doesn't say much, or really take a stand either way so she feels he doesn't want the child. Even up the point of taking the pills or having the surgery she isn't sure she is making the right decision, won't he help her? She aborts their child. They don't talk about it again, and slowly she starts to resent his passivity. Slowly he starts to resent her. Their relationship is broken. She losses apart of herself. 

THE GIRL WITH AN AGGRESSIVE BOYFRIEND

My heart breaks for the girl who finds out she is pregnant and her boyfriend doesn't want a child. He doesn't want the financial burden. He curses her, even beats her if she won't go to the clinic. He drives her and sits in the car outside while she goes in. She rationalizes this decision because she "can handle him", but can't bring a child into this situation. Or she is legitimately afraid for her life. She aborts her child and in her mind thinks she is worth nothing. She looses apart of herself. 

THE QUICK FIX BOYFRIEND

My heart breaks for the girl who is in a sexual relationship, finds out she's pregnant, and the guy casually and almost in a loving way let's her know it's ok he can give her money for an abortion. He lets her know he loves her and it will be ok. He tells her that once they get married they can have a family together, but for now they should wait. She wants his love so desperately that a large part of her feels like this is him taking care of her and loving her well. She aborts her child. A year later they break up and it hits her she's lost him, and she lost a child. She starts to regret the decisions she's made. She looses apart of herself. 

THE UNLOVABLE GIRL

My heart breaks for the girl who's had guy after guy leave her or cheat on her. She's never known what love really looks like. She finds out she is pregnant and goes to tell the guy she has been dating, only to learn he has also been dating someone else. She decides to stay silent and doesn't tell him she is pregnant. In her mind he obviously doesn't love her and doesn't want him to chose her just because she might have his child. She can't take the heartache any more. She feels completely unlovable and alone. She aborts her child and tells no one. She continues looking for love in all the wrong places. She looses apart of herself. 

My heart breaks for the 1 in 3 women who have an abortion. 

My heart breaks that a majority of them have not experienced the love, forgiveness, healing, and redemption found in Jesus Christ.

My heart breaks for the women who have kept this secret for such a long time they have numbed themselves to it and have convinced themselves it hasn't affected their lives. 

My heart breaks for the women as they hear the church people calling them murderers and other horrific names that places them more and more into places of guilt and shame. How can they ever speak up and say they are hurting and want help with all the condemnation?

My heart breaks for women as mother's day comes around every year and apart of them wants to cry as they realize this is their day too. They had a child, but they try to get that knot out of their throat, possibly even still trying to convince themselves what others told them- it wasn't a child.

My heart breaks for the men that have been apart of abortions and have just as much hurt, guilt, and shame. No one really thinks of them or how this has affected them. This was their child too. 

My heart breaks...

I pray that your heart breaks too. 

Church yes, absolutely, let's stand up for life, but let's stand up and also love our daughters, sisters, and friends well. 

Be a place of love and forgiveness. 

Be the hands and feet of Christ before girls end up pregnant, while they are pregnant, and if they have made a decision that they often wish they could take back...

I am pro-life. I believe that there are two lives lost when abortion is chosen, the child and apart of the mother. I believe we should stand up for the unborn children and love well those who have not chosen life.

I'm a Piece of...Silver.

The last two weeks of June I just felt down to be honest. I have had a lot on my mind and was feeling like the Lord was showing me even more how sinful I am. I can be selfish, insecure, and fearful. I can start trying to white knuckle change in my life, instead of abiding in Christ and asking Him to change me...and trusting that He is faithful to do so. 

I don't know if any of you are like me, but sometimes I'll realize I am being ridiculous, or know that how I am feeling isn't from the Lord, and then I get frustrated with myself for acting/feeling that way when I know better. I know the truth and almost start beating myself up for not walking in the truth. 

I've learned though that this is often when God is working on me. He is refining me. He is getting rid of the things in me that do not reflect Him. Instead of getting frustrated with myself I've started to become grateful of the work the Lord is doing in me. He is making me more like Him. He's not done with me yet! 

Last week my friend Liz shared this awesome story that totally applies to this refining process...

Some women were studying Malachi 3:3 where it says, 

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." 

They were curious about the text and how it related to the character and nature of God. So one of the women called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention the reason for her visit beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities/dross. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot and reflected on the scripture, "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She watched as sweat poured from his brow due to the intensity of the heat from the fire he sat so close to. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. 

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. 

The woman was silent for a moment. The she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy- when I can see my reflection in it."

You see as God refines and purifies us it is often times painful, but God doesn't leave us. He sits with us and hold us by our hand and tells us "Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13) What I love is that God can take something with tons of imperfections and impurities, purify it, and make it BEAUTIFUL. When He is finished He will see His reflection in us. Christ in us. 

I don't know what you feel like God is trying to work on in you, but I do know that He is always at work for our good and His glory. 

Praising God He is not done with me yet. I'm happy to still be in the fire, being shaped and refined. Thanking the Lord for patient and loving people in my life who help encourage me when I'm feeling down. God is good!

For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. - Psalm 66:10
Remove the dross from the silver, and a silversmith can produce a vessel -Proverbs 25:4

The Old Refiner

He sat by a fire of seven-fold heat,

As He watched by the precious ore,

And closer He bent with a searching gaze

As He heated it more and more.

He knew He had ore that could stand the test,

And He wanted the finest gold

To mould as a crown for the King to wear,

Set with gems with a price untold.

So He laid our gold in the burning fire,

Tho’ we fain would have said Him ‘Nay,’

And He watched the dross that we had not seen,

And it melted and passed away.

And the gold grew brighter and yet more bright,

But our eyes were so dim with tears,

We saw but the fire—not the Master’s hand,

And questioned with anxious fears.

Yet our gold shone out with a richer glow,

As it mirrored a Form above,

That bent o’er the fire, tho’ unseen by us,

With a look of ineffable love.

Can we think that it pleases His loving heart

To cause us a moment’s pain?

Ah, no! But He saw through the present cross

The bliss of eternal gain.

So He waited there with a watchful eye,

With a love that is strong and sure,

And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat,

Than was needed to make it pure.

(From Streams In The Desert devotional)

Our Father, who seeks to perfect His saints in holiness, knows the value of the refiner’s fire. It is with the most precious metals that the assayer takes the most pains, and subjects them to the hot fire, because such fires melt the metal, and only the molten mass releases its allow or takes perfectly its new form in the mould. The old refiner never leaves his crucible, but sits down by it, lest there should be one excessive degree of heat to mar the metal. But as soon as he skims from the surface the last of the dross, and see his own face reflected, he puts out the fire.—Arthur T. Pierson